SUNBURN
Detective Club Investigates Mysterious Turf
Carolyn Fu
At the beginning of the school year, students and staff were mystified by the sudden appearance of turf in the section between the J and L buildings. With even the administration stunned by the turf's overnight appearance, the MC detective club launched an investigation to pinpoint who installed the turf, discovering a dark history the grassy layer hides. It all began in the winter of the 2023 to 2024 school year when simple puddles in the area between J and L turned into more than just puddles. When the MC Detective Club lifted the turf, evidence proved that heavy rain flooded the area, creating a new pool at MC. This appearance of the sudden, new pool started an era called "The Great Pool Party". "A huge pool with no lifeguards was the best winter gift ever," Almosta Drownned (10) said. "Kids would swim there every minute, even when skipping classes and after school at 9pm." For the first month, MC's brand new pool was a big hit. Despite lacking a filtration system, students were unbothered by the mud walls of the pool. Hundreds of students swam between building J and L everyday to get to class, until tragedy struck. "My friend thought it would be cool to dive in the pool, but once she dived, she never came out. Even the water fighters who searched for her never came out," Gladd Notteme (11) said. As swimmers of the new pool slowly disappeared one by one, chaos among the students broke out. Fearing to be swallowed by the pool, students would lock tightly together to continue on with their lives at MC. "Those paths along the J and L buildings were literally one inch wide. When I was a freshman, I would hold onto the strongest conga line of juniors to get to my chemistry class," Tuffe Bones (11) said. "We'd hold so tightly to each other that one time, a junior crushed my shoulder. Another time, the kid behind me got pushed into the pool when the student he held onto let out a huge sneeze, never to be seen again." To avoid being swallowed by the J and L pool, students didn't use the paths next to the pool as the MC Detective club discovered the paths were only two centimeters wide rather than one inch. It wasn't until teachers started to bring floats and boats to help out their students. Together, they sailed to class, picking up students from newly established docks. "One time, my Spanish teacher rowed all 36 students to her class in the U building. She paddled so fast in her huge boat that all the kids on their duck and unicorn floaties fell overboard into the water by her paddling waves," Tina Tiny (10) said. Despite finding a safe, efficient way to travel over the J and L pool, one MC student waited more than a whole school year to reach out for help, determined to end an era. "At first, I tried to throw lifejackets to students who fell overboard, but they still sank. I decided to contact 100 turf companies, but all of them put my call on hold. I didn't sleep for 4284 hours until one company finally got back to me," Aima Wake (12) said. "I forgot the administration's phone number to tell them when the turf was going to be installed, so that's why no one knew the pool would be gone." Students who nearly fell into the J and L pool during "The Great Pool Party", are currently working to make sidewalk paths at MC 100 times wider in the case of another heavy rain season. For now, the MC Detective club says that students can enjoy touching grass and lying comfortably on the school's new turf without any worries of becoming swallowed by the J and L pool.
Attention MC Teachers: New Verification Process for Grade Input
Julia Yates
Recently, the Poway Unified School District has implemented a new requirement for teachers regarding the input of students’ grades. Previously, a teacher was simply able to log into their school account, before proceeding with their grading. Once that was deemed “not secure enough”, teachers then had to be emailed a verification code to enter before proceeding. “It was so great before, all you did was log in to your account, and boom! You were in,” Virapha Kashon, a teacher for Poway Unified said. However, the district and the school board have decided that a more secure process should be applied to the grading system. “The safety of a teacher’s process of altering student grades is just too important. We cannot risk teachers having the ability to input student grades without a thorough verification process,” Cynera Jia, a member of the PUSD school board said. However this new process of receiving a verification code has been determined unsecure. The new process is as follows: rather than simply inputting verification emailed to their account, teachers must hack past the firewall and deep into the district software to the encrypted code controlling synergy. Teachers must decode the binary code connecting Synergy and MyConnect. Within the translation, they must look for a riddle that changes spontaneously every few minutes (for safety reasons). Once the riddle is answered, teachers must run to the office and deliver the answer before the riddle has been switched. There is a 63% chance the riddle could be switched before the teacher makes it to the office (for safety reasons). If the teacher does not deliver the correct answer, or if the riddle times out before they are able to, they must repeat the process of hacking in, finding the riddle, and delivering it. However if the teacher delivers the correct answer to the current riddle, they have made it past the first step. For their correct answer, they will receive a random student schedule. The teacher must cross-reference the schedule with the student’s teacher’s schedule for that current period. These pieces of information will help them deduce the email of a district employee to email for a verification code. This verification code must be utilized within the next two to three business days to remain valid. If the email is not decoded before the class period ends, the teacher must receive a new student schedule with a new teacher to get a new email. The email changes spontaneously every few minutes (for safety reasons). Once the district member has been emailed, if the email has not timed out, the teacher will receive an automated response notifying them that the email has been received. They will get a reply within the next five to seven business days. District employees across all of PUSD agree that this new method of inputting grades has a 100% higher success rate of preventing incorrect grades from entering the grade book.
Andrew Tate 's Downfall
Sam Johnson
Controversial internet influencer, Andrew Tate, who was recently imprisoned in Romania on sexual trafficking charges, has just been extradited to the United Kingdom. International authorities were alerted to Tate’s criminal history by receiving mountains of evidence. Videos depicted him as a modern boogie-man who menaces the public and prowls the streets. After being located by Romanian authorities, prosecutors in the UK swiftly brought to light the other felonies and misdemeanors he has committed in the past. These other criminal charges include money laundering, dancing threateningly in public spaces, unlawfully taking the likeness of Pitbull, and much more. The team of lawyers prosecuting Tate reportedly received much of their evidence from the American investigative journalist Hank Pecker. Both parties were astonished to find that Tate was not charged or even questioned at all by authorities in the past for his previous offenses. “It wasn’t that hard to find dirt on the guy, there are dozens of videos of him twerking on random people in the streets for Christ sakes. This guy’s entire internet presence is self incrimination and a collection of podcast clips fear mongering over women. This man is truly a freak and a threat to society,” Pecker said. Tate’s worldwide fanbase, self-labeled as the ‘Tater Tots,” are passionately protesting for the acquittal of their surrogate internet-daddy. One Tot, the Twitch streamer Adin Ross, has been left inconsolable over Tate’s current predicament. “He promised me that we would get married, that we would have kids, and that we could live in a cottage by the beach. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now,” Ross said on his stream while sobbing. To the great relief of the Tots, Tate has been allowed access to his Twitter account while in custody. He shares his accounts of imprisonment on a daily basis. “This has now been eight days in the suffocating captivity of the matrix. They don’t let me wear sunglasses, smoke cigars, or even drink sparkling water. The living conditions can only be described as callous and draconian. How could a just god allow this to happen to me?” Tate stated in a tweet. One part of the case, confirmed by Hank Pecker, was that the overwhelming evidence against Tate would be too much for the courts to deny. “One thing I am certain of is that he is going away for a long time. Either he’ll be convicted for promoting a ponzi scheme to desperate teen boys, kidnapping women, or dancing like a maniac in the streets. I just hope he falls to obscurity like the rest of those pick-up artist scammers,” Pecker said. Although Andrew Tate tragically made a large impact on the internet community, his time in the light fortunately did not last. Like a sick animal being put down, Tate will never see the sun or his super-cars ever again because of his crimes.
Is George Santos a Victim of Bigotry?
Prisha Puntambekar
The United States of America functions as a democratic-republic, in which the basis of government relies on the consent of the governed. For such a form of government to function, political scientists argue, governmental officials must maintain transparency with their constituents. On Capitol Hill, however, the concept of transparency has been recently redefined – especially with the presence of U.S. Representative George Santos. Santos represents the third congressional district of New York and was elected in 2022. However, throughout the course of his campaign, members of the radical left have accused Santos of concealing vital personal information. “Santos is a liar with a dirty past, there’s no denying that,” far-left activist Candace Ohwens said. “I’m particularly infuriated because he lied about stealing puppies from an Amish farmer.” However, the allegations of Santos’ misbehavior – specifically his puppy-theft – are gradually losing credibility. On Saturday, he addressed the public in a speech regarding the accusations. “I’m a guy who likes puppies. Are we really canceling people for that now?” he said. “The hatred expressed by my critics is clearly targeting me for my love for animals. It is puppyphobic. They’re puppyphobes.” Santos’ newly coined term of “puppyphobia” has gained great traction, sparking a new conversation about bigoted behavior towards lovers of puppies. “Santos raises a legitimate concern about the rhetoric targeted towards puppy connoisseurs,” CNN reporter Don Lemon said. “It’s certainly unfair to hate those who love puppies. In fact, the best time to love a dog is during puppyhood – that’s when the animal is really at its prime. Once the dog is 2 or 3 years old, who wants it?” While the anti-puppyphobia movement is still in its infancy, it shows great potential to impact the nation. Its members seek to provide justice for victims of the puppiarchy, such as the persecuted George Santos himself.
Daylight Savings and Nighttime Awakenings
Kamara White
The newly constructed bell schedule at MC has been the hardest adjustment the teen generation has dealt with since COVID itself. Due to daylight savings and a new law that was passed, prior to the 2022-23 school year, high schools in San Diego County cannot legally be in session anytime before 8:30 am. Unlike the board members who seem to get a full eight hours of sleep at night (and even more on the weekends), many high school students feel that this schedule shift is honestly pointless, especially due to the lack of time given for any chances at real life outside of school hours. “I mean, we start later, but that just means our bedtimes are pushed back even more,” 14-year-old student, Ty Heard, a professional all-nighter said. “My normal one a.m. bedtime is more like… You know what? I don’t even sleep, honestly,” Heard said. Along with the fact that the bell schedule does nothing except make students get out of school when it’s practically dark, many students cannot even meet their own bodily needs while in class. “We aren’t even allowed to eat in class, yet our teachers expect us to get through four periods of lecturing without any food!” 17-year-old student, Hang Gery said. “My potty breaks are inconvenient, and are also now my snack breaks too,” Hang Gery said. MC’s parking lot when school finally gets out | Photo Courtesy of Pixebay Once students get out of school, they urgently rush to the parking lot to turn their headlights on because it is pitch black outside by then. “MC has become a survival zone at this point. Survival instincts kick in, especially when it is dark and you are on the hunt for food,” a 16-year-old student, Sir Vival said. “The traffic leaving the parking lot is barbaric because everyone is rushing to the VONS shopping center to get their hands on any crumbs of food they can find,” Hunter Gatherer said. Students have been sighted showing signs of sleep deprivation and severe loss of brain cells since the school year started. This combination caused by the new schedule has been said to be deadly. “Last night, I drove my friend home from practice and I swear she turned into a zombie for a split second… it was quite the jumpscare,” Fright Night said. The zombie-like symptoms spotted in students have created rumors about students always being caught in the bathrooms during certain periods. What is the rumor exactly? That they are replenishing their bodies with whatever they can get their hands on to seem at least half alive, even with running on only Yerbas and…. yeah, only Yerbas. Going from school to practices and games is almost immediate if you do not have an off-roll. Students without off-rolls have been seen wearing their uniforms to school every day to prevent being late to any sporting events. “My daily wardrobe when I am in season for my sport is just my uniform every… single… day,” Wore Haul said. “I don’t even do laundry at this point anymore, I just don’t have the time.” Buses and transportation are also other issues that many students have brought to the admin’s attention. “I do not understand why the buses get to my house so early. It is literally witching hours when they pull up to my house squeaking and breaking,” Scairdy Cat said. “I have to take anxiety medication because it comes basically in the middle of the night, spiking my heart rate.” Adapting to the new bell schedule has become a survival lifestyle for many MC students. Daylight savings truly has turned dealing with the new bell schedule into a nightmare.
The Hunger Games: Taylor’s Version
Sam Johnson
Taylor Swift’s “The Eras” tour is one of the biggest announcements to surface in 2022, specifically for the music and entertainment industry. Tickets are in very high demand, but are being produced at a very low supply. Everyone is desperate to get their hands on a ticket… even the Kim Kardashian fans. It is predicted to become a blood bath soon, “I love the way Taylor and Kim both hate Kanye. Honestly, I would not be surprised if Kim bought all the tickets as a thank you for always dissing Kanye,” one Kardashian fan – but newly Swiftie fan – Lucky Thirteen said. Because of the want for tickets and the hate towards the Ticketmaster platform, Swifties have decided they will do whatever it takes to get their hands on a ticket. As a solution, Taylor has decided to host her version of The Hunger Games with her own special twist: put 13 Swifties into an arena and have them compete to the death until one winner reveals themselves in return for one ticket. “Ticketmaster screwed me over, so all I can say in response to them is, ‘hey, look what you made me do,’” Swift said. Swifties have been reportedly spotted in gyms all throughout the globe, training hard for the possibility of winning a ticket to one of Taylor’s concerts. All participants have been assured that if they die, Taylor herself will make sure that the fallen ones will go out in “Style by attending their funerals.” “I heard that for the fallen ones, Taylor will dedicate and sing ‘Don’t Blame Me’ as a way to assure everyone that the fallen Swifites were martyrs towards a good cause,” Winn Nur, a potential candidate for the Games, said. The first official concert to kickoff “The Eras” tour is on March 18th in Glendale, Arizona and will also be Taylor’s first live performance on tour since 2018. It has been five long years since Swift has been on tour, and exactly 13 years since Kanye interrupted Taylor during her VMA’s speech. Because of this, she will have a life size Kanye statue made for Swifties to vandalize which will hopefully make Kanye even more moody than he has been since he and Kim’s divorce. The statue has been the newest addition to the tour, and Swift will also be dropping a song titled “Imma Let You Finish” which will be sung at Kim’s divorce party. “Personally, I do not think Kanye will see it coming. I definitely think his mood has everything to do with Taylor and Kim’s new friendship and nothing to do with his so-called ‘mental health,’” Kim and Taylor shipper, Plas Tique said. With the prospect of multiple Swifties perishing, fans feel it is not fair some people got tickets online. Now, the only way to even come close is to win “The Hunger Games: Taylor’s Version”. To help ease this negative feeling, Taylor has also announced through a series of encrypted tweets and lots of snake emojis, that she will adopt a cat and name them after every fallen Swiftie that tried to redeem a ticket. And even better, she will give them out at concerts for fans to take home. “It is super thoughtful of Taylor to take into consideration all her fans’ feelings. This way, her fallen Swifties will live on through real live merch, made out of her favorite thing in the whole world: Cats,” Catty Patty said. Overall, Swift has been able to find a perfectly good solution for her ticketing scandal. Swiftie fans feel that, even if they die competing for a ticket, at least their lives will end “All Too Well”. To see if fans are eligible to compete in “The Hunger Games: Taylor’s Version,” visit lookwhatyoumademedo.com!
How One Organization is Changing the Future of Student Debt
Sam Johnson
As midterm elections approach, citizens are narrowing their view on the precedents established by Joe Biden’s administration in the first years of his presidency. While some call recent policies like Biden’s student loan plan a life saving change, others claim that it is unfair and ultimately harmful to the students who reap its benefits. With all of the recent changes made by the Biden administration Cam E’Calle Sposhure and his family are outraged by the privileges that many American citizens are now granted. “First this whole burn pit ordeal, the government acting like us strong American soldiers can’t handle constant exposure to fumes from a few burning pits of oil and chemicals. Now they’re telling my son he doesn’t have to work like a man to pay off his student loans?” Sposhure said. Biden’s relief plan is slated to absolve low income households from $10,000 to $20,000, canceling large amounts of debt for nearly 43 million people. Despite most students seeing this as an opportunity to focus on saving money for the future, Mike Roeplastic Sposhure and his family feel it’s merely a way of building habits of unaccountability in young adults. “Personally, I’m going to work to pay off my loans regardless of what the government offers. You’re never going to be able to make it out in the real world if you haven’t gone a few months purely living off Funions and scraps from your Subway shift,” said Sposhure. A group of like minded students at Sposhure’s school have banded together in an initiative to fight against the new debt relief plan, hoping to spread awareness and promote responsibility across the county. Hause Annalease, leader of IHeartMyDebts, a nonprofit organization that started at UCL (UC Loans) with plans to spread outreach first across different Californian universities, and then hopefully branch out of state. “It’s a really hard decision to make for a lot of people, and I completely understand that. I’m hoping that our program can help a lot of people make the correct decision. Often taking that path can be hard— I get people telling me all the time how they sleep in their cars because they can’t pay rent anymore— but while it’s a hard decision, it’s also the one that’s gonna benefit you more in the end,” Annalease said. IHeartMyDebts have regular plans to hold lessons that will help students maintain their independence from the government, manage their finances in the most efficient way, and teach how to sell their plasma for money. Support has come from all across the campus, not only from students, but from faculty too. Whesley Baldwin, an administrator at UC Loans has been one of the most prominent supporters of the organization , frequently promoting it across the school and making donations to the team behind it. “You know, when I saw the news, I was shocked! All the work I’ve done trapping teenagers into decades long debt, erased! When I heard about IHeartMyDebts, I immediately reached out. It’s really great to hear all the stories of our students carrying on the culture of our school and falling into crippling debt for years,” said Baldwin. Other staff have joined in support for this club, excited to see new students ready to carry on the school, and world wide legacy. Several teachers have even agreed to help with club meetings, planning to share their own experiences of graduating directly into a recession with thousands of dollars in debt. “It’s really great. We’ve been getting donations to cover the costs of running the club left and right by teachers who are excited to see the new generation of adults grow up just like them. It’s really helped foster a deep mentor/student relationship between everyone, and sometimes the staff will even buy everyone a fun sized bag of chips,” said Annalease. Annalease hopes to use the donations to start getting other branches of the IHeartMyDebts organization going across the country to help students in need. Seeing the impact it’s had on students alone in her area continues to motivate Annalease on her journey to keep student debt a thriving ordeal, as it is the American way.
Sue Goes Mad for Souplantation
Sarah Strauss
On May 6th, Souplantation announced on their Instagram account their grand re-opening on July 4th. The business had shut down in early 2020 due to Covid, but is now on the uprise. The announcement has driven many people mad with excitement as Souplantation is a San Diego favorite. 16-year-old Sue Pansalad has just gotten accepted for a job there and is thrilled for them to open. “Ever since all of the Souplantations closed I sensed big changes in my friends and family. My family apparently also noticed big changes in me,” Pansalad said. Her mom recalls her always feeling depressed and overcome with sadness. She remembers how she would always get mad when going to other buffets and feel miserable when seeing certain soups and muffins. “We visited Las Vegas last year and went to a buffet. I figured she would love it because she loved Souplantation so much. But, she got so mad that she flipped the table — literally.” Pansalad’s mother said. “Her father and I got very concerned and wanted to cheer her up, so we made her favorite Souplantation soup and muffin. We placed a bowl of broccoli and cheese soup and a blueberry muffin in front of her, and instead of being happy, she became sullen and stormed off to her room without touching her food. Her father and I sent her to therapy right away.” Therapy, however, did not work for Pansalad. She distinctly remembers how no one could fix her problem. “My parents did everything they could to try to help me. They sent me to therapy, thirteen doctors, and even a fortune teller at the mall. Everyone they sent me to was dumbfounded by what they found,” Pansalad said. “The therapist told my father that she had never seen anyone like this and could not help me. The doctors injected me with a bunch of needles and ran twenty scans only to find nothing wrong. The fortune teller tried to read me and immediately packed up her things and quit her job.” The Pansalad family, however, would not stop until they found something to help. They looked for over two years and found nothing. They were very close to giving up when they got the news. Pansalad followed Souplantation’s official account on Instagram and as soon as she saw their reopening post, she gathered the whole family to tell them the exciting news. “They were ecstatic. We were all jumping for joy when my brother suggested I get a job there. That way, I will always be at Souplantation and won’t have to miss it,” Pansalad said. She is now happy and healthy and cannot wait to start her job there in a couple of months. Her friends and family have stopped worrying for her, as she is back to her cheery self. “I was really worried about Sue during the past two years, but I couldn’t really do anything as Covid was there. Now that I can see her, I have stopped worrying because I know she is doing better. She is now the nice, fun Sue I know and love,” Pansalad’s friend said. Pansalad is now preparing for her future responsibilities at her new job and cannot wait until July 4th. Until then, she waits for her training and to see if other locations will reopen as well.
Slow Walkers: Opposing Sides
Jashlene Cawagas
The school bell is about to ring and the halls are crowded. Any sensible person tries to hurry to class to avoid being tardy. However, a group of conspirators, suspected to be freshmen called Strollers G, strolls through the halls. They take their slow, leisurely time to walk, hindering other students in their attempt to evade tardiness. Their agenda is to make other students late to their classes, resulting in bad reputations with their teachers and having multiple tardies that make them ineligible to graduate. These new students manage to think of every possible way to annoy everybody else, including blocking the walkway and chatting with their friends. In addition to having the already narrow hallways blocked by Strollers G, most students have to deal with the crowded areas in the school; the quad, the cafeteria, and the walkway by the K building. “Dude! These slow walkers are so annoying! Like why can’t they walk normally and just go to their classes! There are people who are running late and need to go to class so we won’t get any tardies,” Sene Yurs, an MC junior said. There is far more to unravel about the mystery and motives of slow walkers, but in these difficult times, the other students are looking for ways to stop the rise in numbers of the Strollers G. “These Strollers G nuisance have got to stop! These newcomers need to learn the Sundevil Way. They need to be taught a lesson so there would no longer be any trouble at MC. Other students must work together to stop the Strollers G from hogging the walkway,” Warren Peace, an MC senior said. In order to stop this ongoing crisis at MC, fed-up students have assembled and constructed a plan to reduce the number of Strollers G’s. First, talk to the them about what they’re doing wrong, and suggest that the hallway needs to be free of loiterers in order for all students to attend their classes. The MC students are fed up with the squad that is pestering their beloved school. Their plan involves negotiation with the Strollers G and to find a way to coexist in harmony. “I’m a freshman and all this conspiracy and scheme is really exhausting. The Strollers G wanted to recruit me for their secret operations but I declined because I don’t want to be affiliated with something that causes destruction,” Joy Enlove said. Initially, the slow walkers refused and insisted on doing things their way, but after the other students explained the short-term and long-term consequences, the Strollers G were unable to utter any words from their mouths. The Strollers G knew that if they continue their way, the future slow walkers will do the exact same thing and the cycle will never end. After coming to a consensus, the slow walker executives declared that the Strollers G will be disbanded and everyone can go attend their classes in peace.
"Coachecron"
Kate Heald
An upward trend in gasoline pricing has taken the US by storm. Many theories about this increase in cost swirl around, but the truth simply relates back to Covid-19. Seemingly always there to ruin a good time, scientists in the CDC began predicting a new spike in Covid cases because of Coachella, one of the most popular music festivals in the world which takes place in Indio, California each year. While trying to prevent Covid from spreading around the desert, CDC officials worked with the government to slowly raise gas prices, hoping to deter festival goers from commuting into California. “I was honestly shocked to hear that they would go to such lengths to ruin my favorite event of the year,” influencer and content creator Nettie Bloom said. The Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival, more commonly known as “Coachella,” boasts famous performers and high numbers of attendees annually. With performances by some of the most popular artists of the time, such as Harry Styles, Doja Cat, and Billie Eilish, fans rapidly bought tickets for entrance to both weekends. “I realized that all of the artists I discovered in quarantine were going, and I just had to see them in person!” avid Harry Styles listener Lara Moss said. In 2020 and 2021, Coachella was canceled to the dismay of many eager celebrities, influencers, and music lovers alike. With the comeback of Coachella in 2022, high ranking government and CDC officials became worried about a new variant they referred to as “Coachecron.” As many festival goers drove to the event, officials assumed that high gas pricing would limit the amount of people who could afford to travel so far. Although flight prices have not seen such an increase, ride share programs like Uber and Lyft have had to increase their pricing. “Gas is a necessity, people will always be forced to buy it as cities get larger and the suburbs grow. But people have started to pick and choose where they go and what extensive trips they go on to save more money, meaning we have actually been successful,” CDC official Judith Coleman said. This year, Coachella is expected to draw in about 750,000 people after tickets sold out well in advance. The CDC continues to warn people against attending large gatherings without being vaccinated or wearing a mask, though many pictures posted to Instagram and Twitter show high amounts of influencers without masks on. “It just doesn’t go with my day one or day two outfits. Plus Jack Harlow is playing, and I want him to fall in love with me,” Bloom said. Officials are still monitoring the rise in Covid cases as the second weekend of Coachella looms close.